One Single Yellow Rose

Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for the time you spend visiting my blog!!  My current blog is the result of the inspiration resulting from an empty and lonely Mother’s Day….As I always grieve the death of my own mother who died on October 16th, 1990 …and of the loving and honorable husband I was pray-fully blessed with… who never thought of disrespecting my mother… in ANY WAY!!…. and who honored her on her very last day here on Earth, at the young and tender age of 57,…

With One Single Yellow Rose

..…which he personally placed in her hands!!!  

Our faith in Jesus allows us to long for an eternity where we will be happily reunited with our loved ones in Christ!  Carry on my dear friends in Christ…..the world is full of evil, heartache, and strife….. but have no fear….. for He who lives within us has already conquered this fallen world!!!  

Thank you firstly…. to my blog friends who read my crazy and unprofessional writing even though I only attempt to honor Christ! ….secondly…to my everlasting and faithful husband Brian… who loved my mother so very unconditionally…and last, but certainly not least…. to Stacy…my beloved friend…who through beautiful conversation last night, provided me the inspiration to write this blog!!! 

Please continue to pray for those lost and searching for answers !

Your friend in Christ, 

Kathy 

 

 

 

 

rose 1

 

“The life of mortals’ is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field;

The wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.”

(Psalm 103: 15-16 NIV)

 

One single yellow rose…placed so lovingly in a deceased loved one’s last embrace…..

So very long ago….yet so brilliantly vivid in the ones’ who cherish the memory of that well- lived life left behind.

So soon to depart …and so painful to the ones who remain lingering here…

Free-falling in this sinful land where we,

Who steadfast believe…

And are just passing through to our God-given homeland!!

One single yellow rose…. Found intentionally along the path to that finite farewell….

And clouded in temporary heartache and loss.

A mourning daughter heavily sighs through tears, 

 Unsuspecting and unaware

Of the unconditional motive of the one who greatly respects…

That life once lived….

And, 

 Of the existing life that was brought forth

From her womb.

One single yellow rose…to beautifully represent a life renewed!

 Borne from the scattered and very few yellow roses…

which were handpicked and delivered to her deathbed vase.

 Handpicked… only from the garden she kept…

 Among the prickly weeds and thorns that grew there.

The few yellow roses which flourished just higher among the weeds…

and stood majestic on her doomsday nightstand.

  And the weeds unable to strangle…

The life growing there, 

 of the very last week of her earthly suffering.

 

 

rose 2

 

“Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death—

They are like the new grass of the morning;

In the morning it springs up new;

But by evening, it is dry and withered.”

(Psalm 90: 5-6 NIV)

 

One single yellow rose….. Given from the young and vibrant hands of a son in law…

And freely into the now resting hands of a deceased mother in law.

Yet the wind continues to blow in this barren land…

And the evening light fades the vibrant color to only a dimmed black and white,

to those who continually choose to wander here….

But that single yellow rose… 

I know now,

Without any doubt, 

Lives eternally….

No East…

 No West…

Does it even know,

as our fallen world now dictates us all,

This beautiful flower survives,

in all immortal conditions!

Because His Kingdom rules over all ……

 

And that single yellow rose will survive the fall…..

 

His Kingdom will rule….

Forever…and ever!

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First Season Mourning Dove

“I said, oh, that I had the wings of a dove!  I would fly away and be at rest.”

(Psalm 55: 6 NIV)

 

mourning dove pic 1

 

Early morning on the first day of March, the cold rain is pouring down like sheets of melting ice in this messy transition of His miraculous seasons….

And my soul screams out to Him just like His seasons of everlasting change….

 

Fickle… yet faithful…

Discontent… yet satisfied…..

Cold…yet warm….

Doubtful….yet so very hopeful

Enemy….yet lover…

Depressed….yet eternally happy!

Alive… yet dying!!!! 

Pouring out my own tears of icy rain in my deepest dark sorrows of late wintertime…

Only to the One who listens to my ever-evolving yearly cries….

“Why do You leave me here?”

“In this dead winter barren,  a land of loss and suffering?”

I long for Your paradise

 

 

 In…..“Immanuel’s Land”

“Glory, glory in Immanuel’s Land!”

 

And……What a barren wasteland in this finite time…

it has truly become….

Of pain…and suffering…..

Of heartache and sure death!

I so try to love You always and stay faithful to Your Promises!

My unanswered questions just as many as Your long- awaited answers…

 I have yet to hear You speak…

I so desire to see Your face and kiss Your trampled, scorned feet!

But I will continue to walk blindly into this vast void of cold bitter darkness.

And in this freezing rain I fear will soon turn to freezing snow….

I glance out at Your wondrous creation and see my first season’s mourning dove…

I do not hear his mourning dove song….

As much as I try to listen, he stands silent in this freezing rain.

Sitting heroic and patiently …

Not even a ruffle of feathers does he flutter….

Perched high and mighty…

He is and always is!

Though I truly feel….

He is mocking me. 

Unfazed by the current condition of Your varied and wondrous seasons…

 Is he only there to remind me?

Of Your undying promises?

The promises You will keep!!!!

The promises you will keep to me, my Lord?

 

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, He will never let the righteous be shaken.”

(Psalm 55: 22 NIV)

 

 

Yet we deny what He shows us…in our deepest sorrow!

” I AM…”

I am or I’m, a form with the English copular verb to be

“I Am that I Am”, a common English translation of the response God used in the Hebrew Bible when Moses asked for His name

I am (biblical term), a Christian term used in the Bible

 

“Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was born, I Am.”

(John 8: 58 NIV)

 

I am pic

The Christmas season is finally over…. but what a sad time of year it truly was for me…

My finite joy is now gone… and my words of rejoice and praise… have been silenced!

For those I love the most…. And those I long to spend eternity with…

Yet they are still among us……

They are now gone to me…..

… I did not gaze upon their beautiful faces…or hear their tender words of love.

….BUT in His Mercy… He gave me a glimmer of hope…

A precious child….

The very same age as the very ones I longed for this past Christmas season…..

 

 

And another glimmer of hope… I did not deserve!!

An unsuspecting text I did Receive…….

A final Victory?……..

a Hard Fought Triumph?……

 Maybe perhaps…..

Just a glimmer of hope!!!

 

For there are no true and righteous wars fought here….

For You have already won the war!!!

 

Simple words !

Two words that mean such very much to me….

“I AM….”

“I AM!….”

I AM…….!!!!

 

 

 

“All my devotion is like sinking sand. I’ve nothing to cling to but your sweet hand. I’ve no clear emotions keeping me safe at night: Only your presence, like a candle light. After everything I’ve had. After everything I’ve lost. Lord, I know this much is true, I’m still drawn to you. I pour out my sorrows just like a precious oil. I kiss your feet, Lord, with a holy joy. My tears an offering of my highest praise; Your eyes say ‘welcome.’ And I receive Your gaze. ‘Cause after everything I’ve had And after everything I’ve lost Lord, I know this much is true I’m still drawn to you After everything’s been said. After everything love cost. Lord, I know this much is true I’m still drawn to you. You know I am Lord, I know this much is true I’m still drawn to you.”

“Audrey Assad”

…February 23, 2018

 

 

I HEAR YOU!!!!!! 

I HEAR YOU!!!!  

 

I will someday kiss your Feet my Lord with a holy joy!!!!!…..

yet also with great tears of sorrow!!!!

 

great tears of sorrow ……..My Lord!

 

 

 

‘Tis The Season

christmas card picture

 

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.”

(Luke 2:11 ESV)

Another cold winter morning persists as I awake to the yearly task of preparing Christmas well wishes to extended family and not too distant friends.  And as I prepare and address each card….I marvel at just how drastic and sudden our lives seem to change each and every year….

Of recent births and deaths….. Of happy marriages and painful divorces, and of blended families that seem to heal from old wounds.   The stable greeting of a family member or friend I have come to depend on… yet quietly wondering if that greeting will survive one more year.  The scattered well wishes that will never be heard from again…at least not here. The cheerful Christmas wish from yesteryear which is now a painful and hurtful attack.    The now silent and sometimes painful echoes of the past mixed with the security and well-being of the present day and always closing each year’s end…..

Today…it is converging all at once on a Christmas believer who truly knows the reason for the season.

Cards of old friends who are now foes…and of old foes who are now friends.  Cards of those who were once considered strangers… but this year or last, our paths have crossed…and perhaps only for a short time….But smiling at the thought that my own handwriting in the greeting card I send this year may one day remind them of an old Christmas past…..

Family members who share strong bonds and family where bonds are now broken… Christmas cards of old and ones from just last year…. Fancy and playful, religious and serious….All providing a moment in time for us to revisit a fractured friendship or a silent voice… a ravaged family or a true love that never fails to cease…….

I rummage through broken boxes overstuffed with the memories of Christmas …. And I stop to cherish the precious handwriting on a Christmas card of one no longer with me…..The dried ink as vivid, alive, and still ingrained as it once was….. Just frozen here in time.   I touch their once written script and lovingly embrace their memory of a distant past….But only because I remain hopeful of a future celebration

 For I truly know the reason for the season…

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

(Romans 6:23 ESV)

 

Rejoice if you truly know the reason for the season!

And pray for those who do not!

 

 

Eternal Midsummer Sun

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

(John 3:16) 

 

sunrise

 

I sit here very reluctantly with the imminent threat of storms looming overhead… yet still I eagerly await another early rising midsummer sun…. As the darkness continues to linger into daybreak… I am attempting rather unsuccessfully to embrace the predicted series of slowly moving storms which hastily interrupts my early midsummer morning. Late night storms have left my water starved annuals laying on their uprooted mangled sides… and a scattering of white and pink petals now lay across my parched wooden deck….. My sleepless night thoughts persist and I wander just too long in anticipation of the approaching storms… and my wandering mind only complicates the mix of emotions I’m experiencing from yet another one of life’s greatest disappointments….. Just another “failure” to add to my repertoire…but like too many failures in my already overstuffed life….this failure comes from within a deep and painful crevice of spiritually rooted connections and convictions with fellow believers….. Yet I feel a remarkable and undeniable familiarity to this type of great disappointment as I glance out my patio door staring blankly at the searing sheets of endless rain just beginning to pound the south facing side of my home…..

My thoughts take another turn to not only my own failures, but also to the multiple losses I have suffered throughout my life… Trapped within the walls of this sadly wandering state of mind…..  My thoughts turn to my sister.   I struggle to envision a much happier time where she stood firmly beside me… bravely fighting with her diseased and ravaged body in tow…. It was an extremely aggressive intruder which hastily interrupted her late winter morning sun many years ago…and many months before she finally succumbed to this ultimate life-robbing enemy…this sickening invader who eventually won the hard fought battle against her constant desire to remain here in this familiar yet darkened place….her final and seemingly unanswered plea to witness yet another one of her own early rising midsummer suns…..and in this frozen memory…. my heart sinks even lower.

With much regret….I think of the many disagreements my sister and I once shared….. Far too many of our own life’s experiences stood between the two of us and the One and Only Truth and our many experiences almost separated us from creating a final spiritual truce.  I being the lost prodigal child of a Great Comforter not too long ago and she being the ever faithful and everlasting daughter of a Mighty King… born in the faith and never wavering.  Sometimes this uncomfortable wedge created too wide a space for a compromise to even take hold…for a conversation to take place and grow…and to at last realize…… the simple understanding that our belief in the One and Only Truth did indeed take very different roads…. But both roads led back home!!   There are varied paths of Light that occur in this life’s constant darkness.   My road being twisted with many unwanted, and sometimes self-inflicted roadblocks… my footprints disappearing at long intervals of time upon its jagged edge and teetering on a lack of trust and commitment …her road well-traveled and worn with the unbroken trust of her steadfast feet.. Scattered were her footprints but never ever too close to its well-developed edge… yet narrow and unbending along the border…

 

road 1

 

The rain is tapering as the sound of thunder rumbles off into the distance as the storms move to the unsuspecting East…and my sadly wandering thoughts are slowly turning to the present-tense as I sense the departing storms and begin to plan my day…..yet I pause and attempt to envision my sister’s present day view of her eternal midsummer sun….so Majestic….so Gracious…and so very Merciful……but I cannot envision it for both the current and departing storms here cause too much turmoil……And there is yet another winding road for me to travel… but I know my simple belief in Him gets me through one more storm and one more jagged edge along its path…and I seek…and I plead… and I’m given comfort by Him once again… and by this simple truth…..

My faithful sister is the daughter of a Mighty King and I am the rebellious child of a Great Comforter!

 

pic of road 3

 

Take comfort in knowing He is there with you on your current winding road…..and there is nothing that can separate you from Him as long as you are a believer and you continue to simply believe in His promise!  

 

A Child is Born

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

(Isaiah 9:6 ESV)

christmas-hope-2

I have hope….

I HAVE ABUNDANT HOPE….

I have immeasurable hope…..

My hope does not lie in any worldly government or any worldly charismatic governmental official…

No empty words or deeds to appease me.

No worldly powers that be…

No failed promises…or man-made victories on conquered soil.

No hope in ordinary man who would eventually crumble a simple faith into the vast darkness…

For if my hope was found there….I would also find hidden there….

 My greatest despair.

This meaningless dark hole where the unbelieving despondent and discouraged await their everlasting anguish…

Their ever-wasting and secluded never land.

 Yet I’m unable to quantify this current expectation…this future anticipation that burns within me during the hours of each anxiously awaiting day….

And the long, still nights filled with tear soaked pillows in hopeful waiting…

That glorious anticipation of His promise …

For if I ever close my eyes to find myself to never again awaken that next morning…

 And if I were ever to awaken to an empty void filled with absolute nothingness….

That meaningless hole that many hopeless already await….

  I will have lost nothing in my efforts to simply believe….

I would simply just cease to exist….

For there is nothing beyond this world for those without hope….

But to have Hope…is to simply believe…

 To believe in this child born so very long ago…

This unassuming child who once lay in a splintered feeding trough…

Where men who studied the stars came from afar and fell at His feet…

 In worship.

And they came bearing expensive gifts to give Him….

Yet this child’s gift became the ultimate gift…

For all….

This gift of salvation…this gift of eternity…this gift of HOPE.

From an unassuming child who came to save… not to condemn…

 But to save those…. Who simply believe in Him.

To those wise enough to believe the ancient words once scribed…..

The ancient words that still resonate so loudly, so boldly…so demandingly…so life-changing!

For it is written…..

Understand that “I am He”….. (Isaiah 43: 10)

Understand….

“I AM HE”…. (John 18: 6)

The Great City of Nineveh

Dear Readers, 

I would like to share with you something I posted (a reply) on another Christians’ blog back in August.  I have always hoped my blog would be transparent and truthful, (that is why I am sharing this response) written mostly for the lost and hopeless among us!  A blog that intentionally does not mention denomination or religious creed! A blog I have shared my very personal life experiences with and shame!    A blog only to honor Christ… very little pics of me or my family….Christ only…Christ centered… and Christs’ love for all people… always!     The debate regarding homosexuality continues…never ending, sometimes (mostly) loveless and hateful toward each other.  This summer has been quite long and filled with utter hopelessness! I find myself now lost for words..unable to write anymore.  I have been the victim of attack from a Christian who I thought I was helping…I was also evaluated by a fellow Christian as to why I want to help people “spiritually”…and I lost!   God helps us all for thinking His Word…and His Gospel is only for a select group of people!  

I want to thank all of you for taking the time to read my blog!  It means more to me than you will ever know!  I have prayed for all of you and I love you all! I hope I have touched one soul… only one soul with my words…that truly was my only prayer!!  That was my intended purpose!!

The world we now live in is a very scary place…Christ did not promise this road..this life would be easy…but He does promise a glorious ending!  

again, I thank you and I love you all!! 

“And the Lord said, “You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night.  And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand for their left…”

(Jonah 4: 10-11 ESV)

wilted-plant-2

I was doing a Google search on heaven and came across this post and truly, I wish I hadn’t stumbled upon it!  This is so sad to read…to digest. To realize the length of time this post has survived…to read the hatred and bickering between Christians….the hatred from Christians to those who are still lost and in darkness…and in great need of our Savior….and to those few who were/ are struggling with same-sex attraction/ homosexual lifestyle….and decided to share their thoughts through their painfully honest and transparent testimony…..It is in times such as this….I must remind myself to keep my eyes focused on Christ alone….and not on a fallen humanity! 

We are all sinners, and we must remember that at our very best, we all have nothing but filthy rags to offer.  We all spat on Him and beat Him beyond recognition!   We ALL nailed Him to the cross!   We must love without compromising Truth.  We must be Christ- like in how we approach everyone!  God humbled himself and became one of us in a darkened and fallen world to save us all.  Jesus was approachable to the lowest members of society in His time…prostitutes and tax collectors….they felt very comfortable approaching Him….He never compromised truth yet He was able to serve those who were in greatest need. 

Please remember the story of Jonah…Jonah had an extraordinary calling to deal with a group of people he did not want to deal with…but he reluctantly went to this group of people and preached the worst evangelical sermon ever…..Destruction is coming!  Destruction is coming!  Then, Jonah went and purchased a front row seat to watch them burn….but Nineveh repented! Jonah wanted more than ever to see those people burn as He cared more for their destruction then for their repentance!  Let’s not become like Jonah….wanting complete destruction of an entire group of people instead of hoping for eventual repentance….no matter how long that repentance may take…..we are all currently under the state of grace….

The issue is…where do people stand?  Are they dead in sin or alive in Christ?  If they are dead in sin, it hardly matters what sin it is….the Gospel must be the priority of the homosexual just as it is for the heterosexual!  The church is the place to hear the gospel!  The church is a place for sinners! Jesus can and will transform lives! Transformation may take time!   Christians need to serve in truth!  Christians need to serve also…. in love.  We will all stand before the judgement seat of Christ!  We will all be asked about our lives while here on earth…..and how we all responded to the cultural issues and difficulties of our day…. Christ is not surprised by these issues….and He placed us as Christians in this exact moment in His creation for such a time as this!!  When I stand before Him, I pray I hear my Lord and Savior tell me…. “Well done good and faithful servant.”  As fellow Christians, I hope you all do too!