Tear Bottle

A tear bottle…also known as a lachrymatory…is an ornamental vase piece…with a fixture at the opening that is formed to affix to the human eye… Tear bottles were fairly common in Christ’s time…the reference found in Psalms 56 actually predates Christ by over 1,000 years.

pic-of-tear-bottle

“You have kept count of my tossing’s; put my tears in your bottle.  Are they not in your book?”

(Psalm 56:8 ESV)

Where are you Jesus?

 Please come quickly.

I call out your Name….…

 And I have waited patiently for the sound of your voice within my own soul.

This somber waiting drips into deep crevices unknown and ricochets my whole inner being with unrest….

 Leaving me with temporary doubt and confusion. 

But still I will wait here for the quiet and somber sound of your affirming Voice….

My own tears are shedding continuously and are mounting mightily within your book. 

Yet I am waiting…

 We all are waiting…

Along the long and narrow way,

 Back home to you. 

 

Where are you Jesus?

Please come quickly. 

Rescue us from this impending doom…this utter darkness is swallowing us from inside out. 

The whole world is sinking into a lower ground…

Previously unknown to us

Yet is it really unknown to you?

 This hollow depth of unrest and complete anarchy…

Your people mocked, ridiculed, and slain. 

Your Holy Name mocked, ridiculed, and slain….

….with the utmost of arrogance and pride. 

 

Yet I am waiting…

 We all are waiting…

Along the long and narrow way,

 Back home to you. 

 

Where are you Jesus?

Please come quickly. 

You promise your children miraculous things…

Of an eternal paradise incomprehensible…where our tears will no longer flow. 

Death will cease and this present and continuous evil eradicated.  

But for now…

Our tears are shedding and mounting mightily within your book. 

Your tear bottle is overflowing with the tears of your children!

Yet we all are currently waiting…

We are patiently and desperately  waiting…

Along the long and narrow way,

Back home to you!

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Silence is not Golden…Anymore!

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“Nebuchadnezzar answered and said, “ Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, who has sent His angel and delivered His servants who trusted in Him, and set aside the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god accept their own God.”

(Daniel 3:28 ESV)

SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN……At least not anymore….

 We are living and just barely surviving within a fading and dying world… where sin is now celebrated …you now must embrace sin …the constant and relentless demand is now upon us to celebrate sin….or face your own disastrous ruin …your livelihood is now being held captive…unless you give in to the demands of those who blindly control the dying ways of this world…all while the wicked and evil One rejoices happily in this cunning and wicked contempt….for even the very blind do not see the whole Truth…. The Only Truth that would set them free from their own evil prisons…and from all their wicked vices, so they deny their own sins….. Hence….

They deny the Only Savior….

They remain trapped and dying….suffocating in their pure arrogance and pride…

“We have successfully made the practice of sinning now appealing”….

“So…now we demand that the eternal life- gift holders, the now disgusting and filthy self-professed sinners to”…..

Deny your church!…

Deny your leaders!….

Deny your God!…

“WE NOW STAND IN CONTEMPT OF YOU AND YOU MUST COMPLY”….

 

OR face ruin if you do not ….FOR we will destroy your God….

“WE are now destroying your God”…

We will also destroy you and your church… from the inside out….

“FOR WE CONTROL THE WORLD!…”

We will turn your Light into darkness…we will destroy you…piece by minuscule and pain-staking pitiful piece…

Your adversary prowls around like a roaring lion… always seeking someone to devour…

AND we will devour you…if you do not submit to our evil ways….

For we disguise ourselves very successfully…even as an angel of light…

We accomplish this by categorizing you as evil…..corrupt…nefarious….an abomination of your very own God!!!….we will label you… We will willingly use your own sins against you…for your own sins are very plentiful! and the evil one makes us well aware!!! …..

WE expect you to remain “Christ-like”…

Isn’t that your only defense?

  we will use that to annihilate you!….

For we want to utterly destroy you…..

WE will manipulate you with the very Words of your own God!…

For the prince of the power of the air knows your Scripture very well… 

Even better than you!

Do not be fooled….

 And we will use our wicked, non-stop name-calling…

And this dying world will begin to believe us….

Because the world believes in us now….

They hold us in high esteem and our UN-forgiven celebratory sins…..

They now celebrate us….They even march in the streets to defend us….

Even if you choose to remain silent….

“This is exactly where we want you”….

SILENT and SUBMISSIVE EVERMORE….

Because silence is NOT golden anymore….

“BUT WE STILL DEMAND YOUR VOICE…”

We want you to deny your God…

Your silence is not an option….

For our god deceived Eve by his cunning,

We know your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ!!….

  “Deny the Words of your Creator… Deny your Christ right now”…..

 Or we will now destroy you…..

For the day is coming……it is coming quickly!!!!

We control the airways…we control the mass media… we control and encompass the entire world…

“The whole world now lies in the power of the evil one!!!”!

Jesus’ Candidate

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“Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world.  If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews.  But my kingdom is not from the world.”

(John 18: 36 ESV)

Once again, we are witnessing increasing divide, more inflammatory and incendiary rhetoric, more hatred, more vulgarity, more insults, and even more vicious name calling from both sides….

We proudly burn the stars and stripes and we blatantly spit on our American Democracy…

We pledge allegiance to a rainbow…..

 Yet we currently know not the strife of those who walked before us….

American Prime-time TV has become 24 hour news programming where journalists have stopped reporting the news in order to create the news

Scandalous the stories in every way they create to win the audience they greatly desire…

They have become reality stars peddling their private agendas in order to sell their books…and their star-studded images…..

Their golden pockets are filled by the blind and weary who purchase the rhetoric they create…..

Rights were given and rightfully so… BUT now we want more…

And nothing will ever stop us….

Shaming our ancestors and spitting on the graves who victoriously fought and lost their lives

We won’t stop till we demand and get our way….

Our path of destruction is evil in intent…..smothering…..crippling…ending….

And there is no evil in the world?

So….we now denigrate those who oppose our own worldview…our own opinions…our lifestyles…our livelihoods….our political parties…

Yet… we proudly say we live in a politically correct America……

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anti-trump-bigots

I sadly grieve the growing divide erupting in my great country ….

A systematic divide which will continue to fuel…..

Fear…

Unrest…

 Hatred…

Further division…

Outright anarchy….

A growing divide which could ultimately conquer the greatest and strongest world power of all time…

A division brought about by a fallen pride….for nothing has changed.

And once again…

We continue to use the name of Christ for our political agendas…for our livelihoods…. for our opinions… for our political parties….

Democrats and Republicans alike…..

Christians and non-Christians alike…..

Protestors Rally Outside Republican National Convention In Cleveland

….Contrary to current popular belief….God is neither a Republican nor a Democrat….and

Political parties are and will always be…

 Fallen man-made institutions…..

A Very Personal and Loving Tribute to my Brother

pic of Bruce as a baby

“For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

(Romans 3: 23 ESV)

Dear Friends,

 It is through painful tears and a very heavy heart… I post this brutally honest blog…on the 9th anniversary of my brothers’ death. Let us all PLEASE remember… EVERYONE needs Jesus and all of us are NOTHING without Him (John 15:5) … and in this turbulent and changing time in our society….it is not us who decides who He calls…but the One who came and died so we may have everlasting life… and only through Him. We are just simply His messengers. Thank you for taking the time to read this memorial for one of the most loving, broken, and sensitive souls I have ever known! 

Kathy

Nine years this month since you left me that early and bright September morning and you promised me you would never leave me……but we truly have no control when that mysteriously pre-destined… yet mournful day will arrive for those who remain.  The day when our mortality catches us in the most unlikely moment and permanently delivers us behind the veil.  Autumn is so hard, so brutal… losing you…and losing our mom… many, many years before…but I try to remind myself just how much you loved this time of year….the cool and crisp autumn air slowly mixing with the old summer warmth…and in exuberant anticipation… you clothed yourself in old flannel shirts and torn up blue jeans and sat near the many evening campfires…and dreamed about achieving the great things in life …dreaming until very late into the cool autumn nights.  Love covers a multitude of sins and many chose not to love…but I loved you much…

bruce and i young

pic of me and my brother 2

You were a life-long seeker of fatherly love and affection, but you became the young recipient of fatherly rejection and abandonment…and not just once…but twice.  You possessed a huge and forgiving heart…forgiving those who constantly hurt and rejected you…and loved with a great and overflowing heart… for both God and man… until in your desperate search… you took the wrong path and fell prey to sin and deceit…and then you found yourself further shunned and rejected by our family, rejected by man, rejected by the community, and even rejected by the church…perhaps because your sexual sin was more difficult to conceal behind a mask… for even the forgiven often wear masks to disguise their own varied sins but their masks always grow heavy and burdensome, so to compensate for this burden…some grow more humble…and more dependent on God…yet many grow more proud, more self-righteous… and less dependent on God… and they grow ever more hateful towards the fallen world…and hatred stirs up conflict… but love covers over all wrongs…

You were a great refuge for all of the animals lost and frightened…and you were a loving and skillful caregiver to all of the people who were sick…old…and frail… under your care.  The very painful… yet beautifully bittersweet memory still persists in my mind of you sitting at mom’s bedside… just days before death would take her away …and you methodically and systematically attempting to feed her liquid nutrition using a small 5cc syringe…so tedious was your task…so loving was your heart…and it was you… the only one left clinging to hope…you the only one still choosing life over imminent death.  And it was only me who thought you still worthy of God’s love… and the forgiven kept busy loving and evangelizing the saved…the proud…and the self-righteous….and forgiving each other of their sins.  Yet, love is not arrogant or rude… it does not insist on its own way…it is not irritable or resentful…..it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth…and so… I continued to love you much…

Pic of me and my brother 1

pic of wedding with bruce

You were my brother… my greatest and only confidante…and my very best friend. I reminisce often…still with overwhelming grief… about the happy times we shared…when our laughter and joy filled the room and love was in abundant supply.  You did not have a political agenda…nor a personal vendetta wagered against others…just only seeking peace, love, and tranquility in your very brief life…  and always searching for the fatherly love only Christ could possibly fill….And my heart is still filled with overwhelming sorrow and pain when I realize that no one seeks to be identified only by their sins…as they forced you to be… and Jesus, my Lord and Savior… would NOT have identified you only by your sin…for when He calls out to us sinners…He calls us with uncanny familiarity and love… He calls us… by name and simply says to us, “Follow Me”….And those who choose to follow Him never again find themselves walking in darkness, but only will have the light of life….and the forgiven confess Him with their lips…yet some deny His Sovereignty…. most deny His power to transform…and many deny to all those still wandering in the darkness… His gift of salvation which is offered freely to all… because while we were still weak…Christ died for the ungodly….and we only love others because He first loved us….just as God demonstrated His very own love toward us….in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us….

older pic of us and bruce

pic of bruce in snowy Michigan

As I prepare to spend another autumn without you….Jesus is asking me to forgive all those who hurt you….and He has paved the road to my forgiveness with such undeniable perfection and detailed precision…..and although He is insisting that I forgive… He is NOT asking me to forget.  And if I remain resistant to forgive….my heart only continues to breed hatred….and I stand as guilty as those who once hated you….and it is not in the act of forgiving… but only in the act of forgetting there exists a risk of growing into the hateful, prideful, and self-righteous “enemy” some once were…and I promise NEVER to become that person…

Your departing last words will always echo loudly deep within my broken heart….For the last word you spoke was my name…..but the second to last word you spoke was His name….and it is now I finally realize and only through His insistence… I must do as He asks of me and forgive…. For the day will soon come when my own mortality catches me in the most unlikely moment and delivers me behind the veil… and there I will finally face my Savior…and this forgiven sinner will fall to her knees and crawl to His feet… but until I do, I will always cling to the hope I will find you there…. finally at rest…and far removed from all the hatred, self-righteousness, and rejection… of this fallen world …….. For love bears all things, believes all things, HOPES all things, and endures all things…

I loved you much………..I love you still….

pic of Bruce with puppy

November 1st, 1957——September 19th, 2006