A Prodigals Cry

“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

(1 Samuel 16:7 ESV)

pic of heart

I prefer to wear black as opposed to lots of bright color

Warm myself in dark leather as opposed to fur, wool, or polyester

I regret no past piercings or bodily signs of a distant crazed fad

For He transcends all culture, space, and time…

And my heart has always cried out with only one name…Jesus!

I prefer the sounds of a screeching guitar as opposed to a plain and simple melody

With lyrics expressing regretful life-long pain or remorse

I still search for and sing all the familiar songs of my yesteryears

For He transcends all culture, space, and time

And my heart has always sung with only one name…Jesus!

I have walked in the season of darkness but the Light has always been with me

I have numbed my past conscience to avoid facing the pain of a present reality

And I have mostly preferred times of solitude over times of spent togetherness

For He transcends all culture, space, and time

And my heart has always bled out with only one name…Jesus!

I prefer true melancholy over a false sense of joy

I confess I am forever a sinner and will never achieve sainthood

Always uncomfortable around fake righteousness and opaque holiness

For He transcends all culture, space, and time

And my heart has always screamed out with only one name…Jesus!

And when my heart cried out your name… “Jesus!”

How so very fortunate I was to initially meet the loving and welcoming embrace of my Heavenly Father

And not the self-righteousness of one of my many elder brothers (or sisters)

And You simply could not stop kissing me…

And… You simply have not stopped kissing me!!

For You love me so much!

JESUS!

When I come into Your Kingdom

I do not desire a mighty mansion or a brilliant jeweled crown

For I do not deserve such indulgence

For the Glory is Yours…. And Yours alone!

 My only desire is to surround myself with your Presence…

You being forever present with someone like me…

And when my heart screams out your name…. “Jesus!”…

                        There as I stand in your eternal Kingdom               

And I will know You are eternally present with me forever there

And I simply will not be able to stop kissing you…

And, I WILL NOT stop kissing you!!

For I love You so much!

“When the Father’s house is filled with the Father’s love, the prodigals will come home.”

–Rob Parsons

This blog was inspired by the book entitled, “Bringing Home the Prodigals”… by Rob Parsons    

briging home the prodigals book cover  

Father…..Your Will Be Done….

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

(Jeremiah 29:13 ESV)

child sleeping

…But he said, “You cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live.”

 (Exodus 33: 20 ESV)

I remember as a young child, lying in my bed in the darkness and still of the cold of many countless nights, talking with Jesus till the warm dawning light of a new day…talking intensely to my Lord and my Savior.  Asking for protection from the multitude of insecurities of my shattered and broken childhood, asking for His undying love and grace…and basking quietly in His illuminating and blinding light in the darkness of many pitch- black nights….His warmth and security always embracing me…always surrounding me in His comfort and love….. Trusting completely in Him as a child simply does….. in His Sovereignty…for the current present darkness and for things not yet to come…..

I also remember asking Him in the cold dead of many childhood nights for just a quick glimpse of His face, and wondering as I lay there… if He would ever allow me see His face…His radiant Presence…. The King of kings and Lord of lords…. who protected me in my fallen and broken world.  This was not a test from a frightened and young child, but only a sincere and genuine attempt to see… His face….His love…and His grace….an almost playful child-like desire to reach out and touch Him with my small and ever-searching fragile hands…an attempt to grasp the unlimited magnitude of His great love and to feel and experience for the very first time in my young childhood life…. a Father’s unconditional love for His child…….

Many cold and dark nights have passed since my childhood past…. Also passed are the cold and dark of long day-time suffering and grief….of much more pain and sorrow than I ever could of imagined in my youth…..of brokenness and profound loss and continued sadness from growing ever older in a fallen and broken world….but I still find myself talking even more intensely to my Lord and Savior….proclaiming now… “Oh, Jesus my God, Your will be done”….in the darkness of the current and present pitch- black nights…

“Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

(Matthew 6: 10 ESV)

Reminiscing a life-time of happy experiences but also mixed of sad … my very own personal and profound suffering and sorrow…. of profound loss and brokenness…where a family walked away from Truth…. And the unkindness turned to hatred…..and then the truth became distorted…and hearts slowly hardened…..and the lines between good and evil became blurred….and division grew wider….but I knew…. You are Sovereign and completely in control…… “Father, forgive me for my own rebellion, for doubting and questioning You, for the selfishness and pride which rests within my fallen heart…and for wanting my will to be done…”

“Father…Not my will… but Your will be done”…

The sad affairs and destructive events of growing ever older in an increasingly fallen and broken world where the world continues from not long after its’  very creation… in its’ attempts to re-define and make You in its fallen and broken image…to conform You as it moves forward…… to its’ fore-told final  destruction…..where no one seeks the Truth…. and unkindness turns to hatred, and then the truth becomes distorted…and hearts slowly harden and will quickly turn to decay…and the lines between good and evil become blurred…and damaging division grows even wider…For You are Sovereign and completely in control…. “Father forgive us for our selfishness and pride, our flagrant rebellion against You….for attempting to re-define and conform You, for the hatred and unkindness which rests within us all as we grow further into destruction… making it more difficult for those seeking the Truth….and blinding those who are slowly straying away…..and the lines between good and evil becoming ever so blurred…as we grow ever more…..prideful……selfish…….rebellious……disillusioned……distorted…. hardened……..ever more divided….all for wanting our will to be done…”

“Father…Not the world’s will… but Your will be done”…

On a very recent pitch-black night, while asking my Father for forgiveness…… I cried, “For we know not what we do,”  For this hopeful cry is to beg for His mercy…..the incomprehensible type of mercy He cried out for His own executioners as He hung… broken, bloodied, beaten, and dying on the Cross… “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”  All while He was slowly dying and struggling to breathe… He was paying the penalty for my own rebellion… for our rebellion…and as I lay there in complete awe of His love and grace… thankful for His ultimate sacrifice which became this fallen and broken world’s greatest gift…yet filled with overwhelming sorrow for what I did to Him…. I realize I still truly desire deep within my aging heart…to see just a quick glimpse of His face…but I know now in my many aging years… to not dare ask for this….. But then, immediately a brief and brilliant moment where I thought I sensed His undeniable Presence beside my bed…. standing there in the mist of my sorrow….in the flooding tears of painfully remembering His sorrow and His suffering….His Presence so palpable and vivid….as if I could just extend my arms and reach out my hands…I could reach out and grab hold of His nail-scarred hands…just to touch Him…but …I resist the urge to reach out for Him….for if I did…I know I would never…..absolutely never let go……. “Father, I trust in your Truth….Your promise…Your timing….Your plan…Your purpose…..Your final chapter….Your ultimate ending……for I know”……….

“Your will be done”……

“Truth is so obscured nowadays and lies so well established that unless we love the Truth we shall never recognize it.”

 “May God never abandon me.”

—Blaise Pascal

……..May God never abandon us……….